How does your husband or wife like to be told that you love him or her? How would you like to be told that your lover or spouse loves you. Would you like to touched in a certain way, or would you like to be embraced in a certain way, or would you like love to be expressed in words, or would you like to be looked in the eyes in a certain way? Love is a very delicate affair, and the surest way of sabotaging your relationship is to be aloof of the others person’s preferences.

Over the months and years, most people realize, what is it that makes their lover express love. But, some don’t and this can be fatal for the relationship. If you think you haven’t yet discovered your partner’s preferences, this is the first thing you should do. Often called the “Love Strategy,” you must make a conscious effort to discover it, and meet it on a consistent basis.

Principle #2: Relationship is a place to give, not take

Often, people approach a relationship as a place to solve their problems. While a relationship could definitely solve problems, this approach tends to disempower both the people involved in it. If you have not been cuddled or pampered as a child, and use a relationship as a place to receive such treatment, you are disempowering yourself of your ability to take any initiative, because you are constantly looking for your partner to treat you in a certain way.

Instead, what one should do in such a case is, concentrate on giving something into the relationship. Such contribution of love and affection will automatically elicit the kind of treatment you desire.

Principle #3: Learn to communicate your problems with your partner

Dr. Barbara De Angelis, in her best selling book, “How to Make Love All the Time,” identifies four stages in a relationship that can kill it. And, by identifying it, one can immediately intervene and eliminate the problems before they become unmanageably large.

Phase 1: Resistance
This is the first phase of challenges in a relationship. It occurs when you take exception of something your partner said or did which you did not like. Maybe, it was a joke, which you didn’t find very tasteful, or a statement that offended you, or something else, which you wished hadn’t happened. Of course, resistance is bound to happen in a relationship between two human beings, but the secret is to talk it over, and settle it before it reaches the second phase.

Phase 2: Resentment
Resistance, if not handled properly, can lead to resentment. Now, your irritation with your partner grows into anger, and a communication barrier is erected between you and him/her. In this phase, you begin to avoid your partner, and the intimacy that you both enjoyed is virtually over.

Phase 3: Rejection
If resistance is not eased, or if you and your partner do not talk the matter over, you may move into the third phase: rejection. This is the beginning of the physical separation from your partner. Coupled with emotional separation, in this phase, you begin to find everything about your partner annoying and irritating.

Phase 4: Repression
This is the most dangerous phase of the demise of your relationship. In this phase, you stop communicating with your partner altogether. There is an emotional numbness between the two of you. Slowly, you just become a roommate of your partner, not concerned of what he or she is doing or feeling.

So, what is the way to avoid this dangerous trap? Dr. De Angelis says, it’s simple: Talk. Talking one’s problems, one’s concerns and one’s likes and dislikes is the only way to ensure smooth sailing. Adequate and meaningful communication is an essential component of any relationship.

Principle #4: Never threaten your relationship

A lot of couples have the habit of saying things like, “You do that, and I am leaving you.” This can be disastrous, because, although most of the time such a statement is not supposed to be taken very seriously, but what if one day, your spouse said, “Go ahead and leave. I will do things my way.” If such a case arises, one’s ego may often force him or her to follow up on their threat (of leaving), and that is the end of the relationship. See, the point is that no matter what situation arises, there is no justification for threatening your relationship if you want it to last a lifetime.

Principle #5: Strive to constantly add glitter to your relationship

Just like any other emotion, a relationship also needs to be constantly propped up. You need to constantly excite your partner, and ignite his or her desire for you. One way to reinforce your feelings of connection and renew your feelings of intimacy and attraction, is to constantly ask questions that would make your partner express love; something like, “How did I get so lucky to have you in my life?” Try to surprise each other. Do outrageous things, like arranging an outing at a place where your partner would have never even imagined. Express love in an out-of-the-way manner, and have fun doing it.

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Many people find their confidence through different methods and while these are not all of them they have proven helpful for me as well as others.

A quick way of getting a boost in confidence can be to give yourself a bit of a make over or special treatment concerning your appearance. For most people simply looking good will aid in giving you that boost of confidence to get through an interview or tough meeting. Maybe you are meeting someone for the first time you want to make a good impression and if you are concerned about your performance first impressions are made in the 5-10 seconds therefore your appearance and body language are of vital importance. While taking a little extra care and effort while preparing will not only make you look better but by looking better you will walk a little taller and assuming you are comfortable you will naturally act with more confidence and self control.

In a situation where what you tell yourself is just not enough or when going through a particularly long period of lack of confidence you may find it useful to find a Cheerleader or someone to support you. When I say cheerleader I do not mean pompoms and high jumps, but someone whose opinion you respect that can give you some daily advice, tips and encouragement. This is nice to have in times when you just cannot pick yourself up. Have someone on hand that you can call or visit when you need to, or even someone that just occasionally rings you just to cheer you up. It will make a huge difference to not only your life but theirs as well.

Another way to boost confidence is to actively seek and visualize your goals. As you should already be aware achievement and attainment of goals are worthwhile and solid steps which boost your confidence, but did you know that by simply visualizing the event step by step you are creating positive and confidence boosting in your conscious as well as subconscious. You will have a clearer idea of what you want and how to get it which can be just the boost of confidence that you may need. If you are unhappy with the person that you are now then visualize the person you want o be and. Be specific and clear in your goals and visualization for optimal results and if visualization is not your strong point writing and recording may prove more useful for you.

Finally a key factor of confidence can relate to how you deal with and think about failure. If you can view failure as a learning curve and a situation to be experienced and developed from then you will be fine but for those whose failures still haunt them years later and drastically affect your confidence and self-esteem you will need to change the way you view failure. Especially when looking for employment, you may need to take a few rejections and miss a few opportunities before you hit the jackpot. It is imperative that you deal with loss failure or a missed opportunity as a learning experience, something to evaluate and draw new skills from. Analyze and articulate where you went well and where you need improvement. Failure is meant to be learnt from so the quicker you learn from your mistakes the quicker you will succeed.

Stage 1: The Dependent Relationship
Woman were dependent on men. Men were not supposed to express their emotions and were confined to the role of “breadwinner”. Woman were confined to the role of housewife, with little political or economic power and few opportunities to move beyond their household lives.

We needed each other in order to feel whole and complete. The first stage partner says “I need a partner to complete me.” Both partners come from feeling incomplete.

Stage 2: The 50/50 relationship
Two independent people, whole unto themselves, coming together as equals and evenly splitting the responsibilities of the household finances and childrearing. Even though this was a great step from dependency most woman were finding out they had to cover or hide their unique and natural expression of “Feminine radiance in order to succeed in today’s more Masculine oriented economy. This model was very beneficial for many years and now seems to be shifting due to the side effects of men and woman becoming more sexually neutralized, unable to give each other what they really want in intimacy. When we focus on dividing the pie equally, our intimate embrace often becomes more like a business handshake or a business deal than a delicious swoon that dissolves two lovers into a single heart of desire. Ultimately what we have accomplished is protecting our hearts from each other. The second stage partner says “I don’t need a partner and if I let one in it will be 50/50 with everything.”

Stage 3: Intimate Communion.
There is a deep surrender and commitment to love, not necessarily to each other. The priority is to love. The thirds stage occurs when two people come together from wholeness and with two trustworthy individuals. The surrender of self into love is the basis for Intimate Communion. In our culture to surrender into love is considered an act of weakness by many. For the third stage partner this deep surrender is a sign of strength and commitment to love deeply. It is an ongoing practice of sexual union, emotional openness and spiritual trust. It is a practice of love and surrendering the fearful boundaries that guard your heart. To practice opening your heart in every moment, including when you feel hurt. Rather than turn away or close down, you practice loving. It’s not about striking back, closing down, or becoming distant. The third stage partner says “ Because of the all the love I have . . . I need a partner to open my heart and deliver us to God.” The questions to ask . . . does being in this relationship open me to love? Am I and the world being served more by being in or out of this relationship? The third stage partner says “I need a partner to take me to surrender me to love as I am unable to do this alone.” “Is this relationships opening me to love?”

First level – Feels like prison.

Second level – Feels like a 50/50 game.

Third level – The experience of true freedom

This is how it is possible to remain authentic and commit to a relationship fully. It is a daily commitment to love not a life time to a person. It is a commitment to love and only love. I don’t have to give up me to be loved by you! This place of true freedom is completely free falling. Free falling into the depths of unknown and uncharted places. It’s very vulnerable, scary and very exciting. You have virtually no references for this place and yet deep in your heart you have longed for the deep union for a lifetime. You hope that somehow your relationship would evolve into this instead of eroding it. The erosion began when we enforced boundaries, rules and isolated with huge walls around our hearts leaving us to feel a deep emptiness within. The emptiness we feel is about the loss of love we are not experiencing as men and women.

The emptiness is due to our getting off track of what is most important.

The most important work a man does is to discover and live his purpose. Until he knows his purpose a man cannot ever commit to a woman , be happy in his work or with himself. He will continually feel a deep emptiness inside. His constant fear is that he will die with his music left in his heart. He will look to fill this hole with a lot of busyness, pushing toward career goals, women, sex, alcohol, drugs, anything to avoid feeling that deep void. When a man is on purpose . . . he is extremely attractive to other women and men. It is not a man’s purpose to commit to a woman or a relationship. That may be how he demonstrates his purpose, but it is not a man’s purpose. A woman truly respects a man who stays on his purpose. A women will test her man to get him off purpose. If she succeeds in taking her man off purpose she loses respect and searches to replace him. If a man stays on purpose during a woman testing him, she acknowledges that he trustworthy and will open deeply to this man.

A woman’s greatest power is her ability to radiate her feminine essence. What does showing up like a genuine radiating women look like in the world? Surrendering to life and receiving. To nurture from a receiving place versus a giving place. The key is, to be willing to go deeply into everything. Not staying on the surface. The surface is masculine . . .the “get it done” energy. The feminine is deeply immersed in the feelings and wants to take her time and enjoy each precious moment.

Who are models of radiating feminine essence in our culture? You can see it in their eyes. You can see joy emanating and it looks like they just ended a wild dance with the divine.

Questions
1. What does the new genuine man and woman look like?
2. Who are the roles models in our society that emulate this,

The Genuine Woman
Her deep commitment to love is her beauty.
Willing to go deeply on a moment notice.
Is spontaneous and present to the moment.
Does not need to plan because she trusts the divine plan to unfold perfectly.
Sees the oneness in everyone eyes and in everything around her.
Surrounds her life with beauty and finds the beauty in all things around her.
Is vulnerable and open.
Naturally radiates love in her eyes and movement.
Listens really well.
Takes extraordinary care of herself because she knows how much it matters .
Says no easily without harshness.
Trusts her inner voice.
Practices her relationships with the divine on a moment by moment basis.
Longs to be opened more deeply by every experience in her life.
Is fearless without distraction.
Trusts her inner voice.

Women who radiate feminine essence
Jackie Onasis, Catherine Zeta Jones, Maya Angelou, Melanie Griffith, Natalie Wood, Princess Diana, Audrey Hepburn, Liz Taylor, Annette Benning, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jessica Lange, Grace Kelly, Meryl Streep, Kim Basinger, Juliette Binoche, Sade, Norah Jones, Cher, Celine Dion, Dianne Carrol, Nicole Kidman , Goldie Hawn Who would you add to this list?

The Genuine Man
He does not confuse wealth and material possession with the quality of himself.
Knows his purpose and is living it in a giving non-egoistic manner
Has a very strong presence without any need for domination
Is inspired by and embraces a woman’s radiance
Can go deep
Does not allow a relationship with woman or business/society to take him off purpose
Goes deep comes out fearlessly and shares lovingly and honestly
The 3rd stage man says, ‘If I’m going to be with her, I’m going all the way with her.’ That doesn’t necessarily mean sexually, it means all the way to God.
So strongly balanced in his emotional nature that clarity and comfort to express needs is easily & readily available
He does not confuse wealth and material possession with the quality of himself.
Enjoys expressing his feelings
Shows up with integrity and does what he says he will do
Protects his woman
Is loyal and trustworthy
Is whole and complete unto himself
Is responsive
Is awake and aware
Is secure with himself
Is energized by intimacy

Men who live on purpose and have great masculine presence:
Robert Redford, Gene Hackman, Antonio Bandereas, Sean Connery, New Warren Beatty Colin Powell, Martin Luther King, Humphrey Bogart, Denzel Washington, Paul Newman Yul Brynner, Clark Gable, John Travolta, Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks, Ron Howard, Seal, Sidney Poitier, Samuel Jackson
vWho would you add to this list?

Judgment – a good friend is rarely judgmental. We can be open in our behavior with our good friends because we know that they will not judge us. We can enjoy this freedom only with friends. It is nothing short of a blessing, because with other people our actions and behavior are always calculated and guarded and that takes away lot of pleasure from our life.

Share Sorrow and losses – A friend can be depended upon to share all our problems and sorrows. This sharing may not reduce the impact of loss but helps us to unburden ourselves. This is no small gift of friendship. Once I saw the image of a man left alone in the village after an earthquake. The whole villages got killed except this man. With who, will this man share his sorrow? A friend gives us this gift.

Hope – During our times of trouble, only a friend comes forward and gives us encouragement and hope. With that inspiration one begins afresh. At times in life when we feel totally devastated and hopeless, and when our self-esteem reaches a big low, a friend helps us regain confidence in ourselves.

We need friends because we want to share. We need friends because we need somebody who will be there with us when we fall into bad time. We need friends because we want to enjoy being in a group. We hate loneliness and family alone cannot make us feel in a group. For that we need friends. We need friends, because we want to let somebody know about our deepest thoughts, our ideas, and our real emotions. Only a good friend can help us share all these.

Friendship – celebrate it

We take many things for granted in our life. We take air for granted. We take it for granted that the sun will rise again. Similarly we take it for granted that the friendship will never suffer. But that is false. If we don’t water the plant of our friendship regularly, our friendship will suffer and we may create distance with our close friends. We need to value them and value their friendship.

In February, if you are busy with your present office work and not able to go to New Jersey to celebrate valentine day with your spouse. Despite of this if you want to celebrate the auspicious occasion and you want to give something special to your dearest one you must takes extra care for that because distance make the difference to take care of her emotions and attachments. In this modern world, there are lots of ways and means are open to send soft messages cards. You can send flower across the border at your choices by just logon to any b2b site. In spite of how far away from each other, there are lots of things you can do for your dear one. Here are some ways to express your love to your dearest one at distance.

1. Send Valentine Card available on the Internet through various websites

2. Send a bouquet of flowers to your lover’s place via special delivery or send flower online.

3. Set message via telephone services as wakeup call for Valentine’s morning, ensuring that the first words your lover hears on Valentine’s Day are either “I love you”.

4. Send singing Valentine mail to surprise your sweetie at home or at work place.

5. Send packets of chocolates, candy along with your recent photograph.

6. Send the love letter or putting together a Valentine’s scrapbook to send to your lover the following day.

7. Send a poem you wrote yourself.

8. Schedule a chat via messenger toward the end of the evening

9. Promise your dearest one to plan a trip for a weekend to enjoy belated Valentine’s Day.

10. Give surprise gift like diamond ring, watch or jewellary to your spouse while you meet at weekend.

11. In case your spouse has every, consider a gift certificate as a special gift of her choice.

Distance does not make any difference; you can enjoy your Valentine with equal emotions with your love heart. I believe, this may get more closer with your love one. Enjoy a great day with your love at distance and promise her to touch her emotions in the next meeting. Have a Great Valentine both of you.

How you need to communicate in the workplace varies a little according to your job responsibilities. Those differ sometimes in whether you have responsibility for and authority over certain other staff members. It’s important to realize that you only have authority in so far as you can get people to follow you. How successfully you get people to do that comes down to communication too!

Communication is vital in any workplace and here are some of the essential ingredients for good communication in the workplace:

1. Give clear instructions

You save time in the long run by taking time to give even simple instructions clearly and make sure they are understood. Leave a pause for people to ask questions – or invite them to do so. It’s much better if a task is understood from the start rather than you having to go back and do work again because it was done wrongly the first time.

2. Be constructive, not critical

Supervisors and bosses can all too often become critical.

Often people who have tried to organize their work or solve workplace problems themselves have been severely criticized for the solution they have implemented. Is it any wonder then why they don’t bother trying to sort anything out again? That’s not an efficient way to organize a workplace.

The main trouble with this approach arises because the natural response of someone who is being criticized is to switch off and not listen. Nobody learns anything or moves on in that way.

The other side of the coin is that when employees are empowered to make some decisions themselves, managers get more time to get on with their own job and really progress a
business. For this to work, people need to feel safe to explore alternatives, give suggestions and ask questions.

Managers also need to make sure they ask the right questions to inspire their employees and to help them to think through solutions.

3. Let people know the ‘bigger picture’

What are you all aiming for? People will work harder and smarter if they know how the work they’re doing contributes to an end product.

4. Communicate messages effectively

Workplaces often have many people working there. Messages need to be passed on efficiently through whichever medium – face-face, telephone, e-mail etc.

If you have a message to pass on, make sure you do it accurately, to the right person – and in a timely manner. If the message is long – type it rather than relying on your memory.

5. Give people the freedom to organize at least some their work

If people are clear about what needs to be done, they can understand and set a list of priorities for their own work. This keeps people motivated to work hard, but also, it makes
them work more efficiently as they know what has to be done and can switch between tasks accordingly. There’s no need for them to stop work having hit a snag when they can get on with another project.

6. Make expectations clear

End a conversation with something like,

“So – am I right in thinking that you think the project will be completed by the end of today?”

Then, if people anticipate a problem, they have the opportunity to tell you if there’s going to be a problem with that. That gives you the chance – and responsibility – to help them.

7. Treat people like individuals

Everyone has different needs and different personalities. Different people will all react well to slightly different approaches. It’s good if you can find out what approaches work well for your colleagues and employees; that way, you will get the most out of each interaction and everyone will be happier.

It all comes down to communication skills – or lack of them. It’s completely your responsibility for making yourself understood – no matter how many times you have to try – and it’s the other person’s responsibility to let you know every time they don’t understand something: communication in the workplace relies upon it.

Everything takes part in communication with your sweetheart. How does one talk to one’s beloved? Most of the lovers swoon at the sight of their beloved. How do we expect them to talk? But their sweetheart wants to talk and they want to talk. They both want to share everything in each other’s life. They share their dreams, they share their agonies and pains and they share their goals and failures. They share everything, because they are two bodies, but one heart.

Romance has its own flavor, a different flavor. Romance is a different emotion compared to all other emotions. It’s much different compared to emotions such as anger etc. They are all negative, but romance is a positive emotion or feeling. In romance, one ignores every fault of his/her sweetheart and only finds everything good and glorifies it. In love, the afternoon sun is as beautiful as the sunset. Such is the wonder of romance that it changes a person totally.

Coming back to communication, how does one do it in romance? Does one convey love every single day? Does one talk only of love and nothing else. Otherwise it may kill the romantic mood! Does one only dream of good things and avoid every talk of anything negative? What and how does one communicate while romancing? Yes, it is true that most of the romantic lovers talk only of positive things and avoid everything negative. It is also true that talk is mostly about love, because they are romancing. Isn’t it? It is true that the couples dream of great things and avoid contemplating any negatives.

Romance is different. In romancing there is no place for anything that may kill the mood. Romance means talking of moon, and not the sun. But you can talk of sunsets. Romance does not think about the fate of fallen flowers, but only admires the beauty of flowers smiling on the branch. Romance is different and it is great. The world already has innumerable problems,
and romance is much needed to create a positive atmosphere. Romance is a dream.

While the new generation of Asians has adapted to the lifestyle of their country, they also maintain Asian cultures and traditions, as shown by the approach to their search for a life partner. The majority will still want to settle with an Asian Marriage Partner if possible.

Although few marriages in the Asian community are arranged in the traditional meaning of the word, the extended family remains involved in the search for a life partner – even if they have to resist the urge to take over as matchmaker! The difference now is that young people are given the choice to find love, and meet and get to know each other before making formal family introductions. At this stage the family will consider the suitability of the match before any engagement or wedding is announced.

We now have a second and third generation of Asians who have a balance of cultural understanding that covers both East and West with equal ease. Many communities, for example Telugu and Kerala, have migrated widely but would still prefer a spouse from a similar background. They expect more freedom in their marriage choice, while still respecting the wishes of their elders and family traditions.

However, there is a growing contradiction to this tradition. There are a growing number unmarried after the age of 30, showing how the change in marriage trends has affected Asians. Most of these people are now in good positions and stable employment looking for partners, yet often it is difficult to meet a suitable partner.

There a clear reasons for this: young Asians are more likely to go to university, graduate at 22, find a job and enjoy it. Time passes quickly after the first few years of establishing a career and suddenly you are 30 and still single. Clearly someone who is used to this independence is not about to ask the local Matchmaker to take over the search. Instead they are taking the initiative to find a suitable match themselves, often using the power of the Internet.

Through responsible online matrimonial agencies they find confidential and respectable introductions to like-minded prospective partners of an appropriate religious and ethnic background. Online dating and marriage agencies are no longer the last resort – many attractive and articulate couples meet this way, knowing that the fragmented offline social scene would not otherwise bring them together.

The reputable online marriage and dating agencies offer full confidentiality with the opportunity to select or reject potential partners’ profiles and correspond by email to find out more about each other. They can then choose whether to meet, and what form that meeting should take.

An established agency (usually with a paid subscription) will normally ask clients to state their intentions – marriage or dating – so the young person can meet someone who is serious. This online matchmaker trend is fuelling a fundamental change in Asian marriage traditions.